ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A French Quarter weirdo has walked past every other car on our town’s auto alley and pulled up at the Mini dealership, taking time to road test and check out the hot deals there at the moment.

While Darren Farang was impressed with the sporty, two-door models, he was enamoured by the Mini Clubman.

With four doors, a wheelbase that rivals at Toyota Landcruiser Prado and the build quality of a Balinese Rolex, the 43-year-old geography teacher decided he simply couldn’t walk past it.

“I like how long it is and how it’s high up off the road so I can see,” Darren said of the Mini.

“It has all the flare of the Cooper S and the practicality of say, uh, a Mercedes Benz X Class. I mean the ute. But yeah, I’m excited to put things in the back of it. I love how the rear doors are like the ones you get on a Hyundai iLoad van. That the speedo is in the middle and the size of a fat man’s dinner plate. I like how different is it. It’s like a Citroen for softcocks,”

“Not that I’m a softcock. Well, actually, I don’t need to answer that but I was also looking at the Renault whatever it is and the Citroen equivalent but the French reputation worried me somewhat and I know that the Mini is owned by Volkswagen so you know the car is made well by qualified mechanics in South Africa or Brazil. Actually, I think they’re made in England. I’m not sure what’s worse,”

“But just look at it. Honestly, you could kill two vagrants and roll them up in a tarp, chuck them in the back and dump them deep off a fire trail no worries. You could transport a 44 gallon drum in the back, too. In case you were kick it Adelaide style,”

“With a Mini Clubman, the world really is your oyster. So I took the plunge. I paid $65 000 for a top of the range one. A small price to pay for style.”

More to come.


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