8 March, 2017. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Having done his visa-extending time on a North Queensland banana farm this time last year, Connor Liston’s time in Australia is quickly coming to an end.

Being a mix of homesick and too useless to sponsor, the 27-year-old is making all necessary preparations to make the long-haul journey from his shared South Betoota apartment back to his parent’s Paisley townhouse, to Glasgow’s west.

“Nae good,” he said. “Nae good can possibly come out of me goin back tae Glasgow, proper Paisley Glasgow now.”

“But well aye, av no changed ma mind but the government says to me times up Conor so I’m to go back, nothing ae can do man.”

But before he leaves Australia on Friday, he plans to pop his Bailey Nelsons, Budgy Smugglers and whatever Aussie summer staple he has left in his possession into a St Vincent’s De Paul clothing bin – with the hopes that someone else might get some use out of them.

“Fur I go man, gon throw me kit into one of those bins. They one for the poor folk who have fuck all. Gon throw in my sunglasses and dick stickers for some lad who don have it. Hope the wee lil prick loves them aes much aes a did,” said Connor.

“Wush I cud stae but, nae. Ciao fellas.”

Should you wish to wish Mr Liston a safe voyage home, his farewell drinks are at The Betoota Hotel this afternoon. Dinner will be served in the smoking section of the dining hall tonight. Management apologises for any inconvenience.



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