ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Australia’s hopes of securing a draw in the fourth Test seem to have all but disappeared this afternoon local time as the Chinese space station Tiangong-1 failed to land on The Wanders stadium in Johannesburg overnight.

It was hoped that the falling space junk would crash into the sporting complex, effectively ruling play out for some years – meaning the current Test match would’ve ended in a draw.

“It’s disappointing,” said Australian captain Tim Paine.

“We were really holding out for Tiangong to come through for us. But I just got word it landed somewhere in the South Pacific. What a got dam [sic] waste,”

“Oh well. We’ll just have to plug on and hope it rains. Vale Tiangong.”

Paine’s sentiments were echoed by a number of personalities in Australian cricket.

One more vocal and colourful voice was Rob Quiney, who admitted he just returned from an extended trip to Fiji and was just learning about the ball-tampering saga in the hours leading to lunch today.

“Oh wow,” he said.

“Yeah. The boys are getting whipped over there. It would’ve done them a world of good if that Chinese space house hit Wanderers. There’s no coming back for 400 behind when all you want to do it pack up your kit and go sit on a beach for a few weeks,”

“Which is what I’ve been doing. Oi but, can you plug my book in your newspaper? It’s called My Two Tests and it’s a grouse read. Foreword by Ed Cowan. It’s on sale now. Cheers, boorie.”

More to come.


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