A Melbourne man, who watches upwards of 30 hours of Netflix on his laptop each week, has again found an opportunity to declare that he does not own a television.

Lincoln Beattie, a white-collar worker originally from Ascot in Brisbane’s inner-north, made the declaration to his stylist during his weekly dreadlock maintenance in Fitzroy.

The opportunity arose when the stylist asked him something about the latest episode of I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here. “I was just like ‘nah bro, there’s no television in my apartment bro. I prefer the real world’” Lincoln said.

“I think he felt pretty inferior after that and rightly so. It’s mind poison bro”.

Laying in his bed at 11:30pm, the fan in his Mac book audibly failing to do its job, Beattie breathed a huge sigh after temporarily losing wifi connection.

We regretfully asked him if he’d be more comfortable streaming Netflix onto a TV in his room.

“Absolutely not” he said.

“Televisions are destroying humanity and community. It’s the government and media tycoons making people stupid by making them addicted to the idiot box. There’s no direct human connection anymore.”

“There’s a great doco about it here in the documentary category as well as some great adventure documentaries that really show you how much better life is away from the screen and the daily grind that they try and force us into”.

After watching a hiking documentary, Lincoln is currently spending his spare time at work researching a trip to Machu Picchu.


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