ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Despite claims that his ‘olive skin’ tans and doesn’t burn, a local moron is determined to prove himself right this afternoon, refusing the offer of sunscreen from a friend.

“I don’t burn,” said Matthew Stick, a person who works in an office and gets paid monthly.

“There’s Mediterranean blood in me. We don’t need sunscreen, just a little tanning oil and that’s it. I can’t remember the last time I was badly sunburnt. The ozone has repaired a lot, you know?”

Strange, according to one friend who joined the 24-year-old on the shores of Betoota Ponds for a swim today.

The fact that Matt remembers being sunburnt at some point in his life, just not when it happened – despite claiming he doesn’t get sunburnt in the first place.

“He will get sunburnt today,” said Ben Wallace, who also does something in an office each day.

Just not today, that is.

“I remember Matt getting sunburnt last summer at the Sailing Club Christmas Party. We sat out on the deck all day and drank. I’m pretty sure we both got heatstroke that day. Anyway, bottom line is, Matt’s skin will be all over his bedroom next week.”

Only time will tell if Matt receives a sunburnt or not.

The Advocate reached out to the Cancer Council for comment and received a swift and prompt reply.

In a statement issued moments ago, the Council stated categorically for the record that if you’re going out in the sun, please be sun smart.

“Put a shirt on, SPF 50+ sunscreen next then please put a hat on. There’s nothing healthy about a tan,”

“Everybody can get burned by the sun. Everybody.”

This is a developing story.

More to come


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