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The recently-povo former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has stayed strong on his calls to raise Newstart, suggesting people on unemployment benefits would be forced to sell drugs to make extra money.
Mr Joyce said the current payment of $550 per fortnight for individual recipients is not enough to live on, urging his party’s Coalition partners to lift the allowance.
Joyce’s colleagues are reportedly bewildered at his uncoalition attitude towards providing a quality life for those living below the poverty line, with many questioning what the fuck happened in his life to make him care so much about the issues facing povo people.
Joyce says he’s knows all too well how easy it is to slip into a life of criminality when faced with severe financial burdens.
“Look, I’m not crying in my beer over it” Barnaby told reporters in Armidale this morning.
“But things are skint for me and my family… So skint that I’ve been talking to Uncle Tony…”
The media scrum gasped as Barnaby Joyce went on.
“If I’m thinking of it… Just imagine someone who isn’t on $211k per year and no job lined up with Gina for when they resing”
It is being reported by the Canberra press gallery that earlier today, the Member for New England received a concerning phone call from the former Special Envoy to Indigenous Affairs, the controversial Uncle Tony X.
Uncle Tony, who is currently doing a stint for vandalising Zali Steggall posters in the Manly Esplanade propositioned Barnaby with an offer “to help make all the money troubles go away”.
It is not yet known if Barnaby Joyce has accepted the offer, allegedly telling Uncle Tony that he hasn’t visited a prison since all the blokes that got locked up in the Fitzgerald Inquiry died.
“Unc, tell me how the fuck I’m ‘sposed to get a 50 gram pouch of Champion Ruby inside a Kinder Surprise egg?” Barnaby was heard telling Uncle Tony over the phone.
“I don’t even wanna know what you want me to do with it after that!”
