16 May, 2017. 10:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Russian president Vladamir Putin has taken time out of his busy afternoon schedule to explain to his American counterpart that hostile journalists are easier to deal with after they’ve been shot in the base of their skull and left to rot in the street like a traitor.

US president Donald Trump eagerly took down notes during the phone call with Putin, where he went on to explain exactly how you get your internal security forces to carry out a state-sanctioned murder.

“You have to paint them as either an unwavering patriot killed by a terrorist, or you make them out to be a junkie or some other unsavoury type,” said Putin.

“What I do is use some of my old friends from the KGB days to put the word out and like about a week later, they turn up with two small calibre rounds in their head or with a healthy dose of radiation poisoning,”

“It’s as easy as that. Soon you’ll just have the media reporting everything like it’s going to be published on Buzzfeed.”

The Advocate reached out to the Office of the President, but have yet to receive a response.


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