FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

After finally, sort of begrudgingly accepting the results of the election, Trump has a long road ahead as he prepares to move out of the White House and into one of his many properties while he patiently waits to find out what he’ll be indicted for first. 

But for a man not accustomed to confronting and admitting his mistakes, the transition is proving to be difficult to accept. 

“This is just while I sort out a few very important business deals,” said Trump as he struggled with the standard American 87/2635ths of a Furlong allen key.

“It’s all working out just the way I planned it. I’m great at plans. The best. I’m going to do some business things like call important people and fly to different places and send faxes.”

“Did you know when you send a fax, the actual paper stays in the machine? It doesn’t physically travel though the wire? The other machine just makes a copy of it.”

“It’s true! I know! Crazy, right? I thought the machine was broken. So anyway, I need to go and do some deals, beautiful deals, and then I’ll come back in 4 years. You watch; it will be a landslide because I’ll be personally counting all the votes myself.”

However, with all other White House staff madly throwing armfuls of paper into the shredder and Trump banned from going near the shredder unsupervised, Trump alone has the task of packing away all the toys, from the Hot Wheels track running down the main staircase to the Spirograph set spread out on the boardroom table, and Uno cards in the strangest of places. 

“You know, I really like this room. I hope that Sleepy Joe doesn’t change it before I get back. This room is great.” Trump said, looking around the bedroom of the master suite, complete with the partially dismantled racing car bed.

“There’s so much room for activities”. 


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