ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A young man from our town’s Heights District, who describes himself as a slave to capitalism, said he’s happy all his problems can be traced back to China.

Dexter Bradley, a 28-year-old fast-food worker, explained to The Advocate this afternoon that the fake bogan who magically appears on his television each night said China is the reason why his world is full of systemic disadvantage and wealth inequality.

“I always used to think it was my fault, or the government’s fault, that I was still stuck in this shit hole town making shit money putting together shit hamburgers for shit cunts,” he said.

“But it’s not.”

But Dexter went onto explain that he knows who Scott Morrison is, that he doesn’t actually like rugby league – or sport in general.

He knows that he’s probably not even that smart.

Dexter is pretty smart, said a mutual friend. He’s just had fuck all opportunity to do anything other than what he’s been doing.

“Some people have told me to get a trade, the TAFE here only opened two years ago. What was I supposed to do out of school? Most of the trades out here are from out of town, anyway,” he said.

“It’s not like I’m having a whinge. Well, now that I know it’s China who’s fucked me. I can whinge about China doing my arse,”

“Thank you, fake bogan. I feel warm and safe now.”

More to come.


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