28 Novemeber, 2016. 14:02

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

NOT SINCE COLDPLAY LAST came to these shores has there been a larger collection of white middle-class Australians in one spot.

Over the weekend, Kiwi band Crowded House brought the house down on the Opera House steps, to the chagrin of the nearby residents.

Playing their famous brand of family-friend-FM-radio-easy-rock, brothers Neil and Tim Finn united for a special series of concerts in Sydney over the weekend that left nine people in hospital with acute dopamine overdoses.

One 41-year-old man was treated at the scene after his eyes rolled back in his head as he collapsed. Falling to the ground, knocking the straw trilby off his balding head, the man began speaking in tongues has his brain was ‘simply inundated’ with feel-good hormones.

He’s expected to make a full recovery.

Another concert goer, who asked to remain anonymous, also collapsed and suffered a series of serotonin-induced seizures has her Instagram post of the concert passed 11 likes in under a minute. She swallowed her tongue and stopped breathing, her life saved by a nearby doctor who wasn’t enjoying himself – leaving him level-headed enough to deal with such an emergency.

The woman, 43-year-old Beryl Mashman of Terry Hills, said from her hospital bed this morning that she honestly wasn’t prepared for the good vibes she experienced at the concert.

“When they started Don’t Dream It’s Over, I saw a vision as one of the onstage lasers beamed straight into my face. It was some spooky Hillsong shit, I swear to Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed and the Jewish one – whichever one of them I saw during that song, I now believe in you.”

One other person was injured during last night’s matinee performance, with the skipper of a nearby yacht crumbling to peer pressure during Weather With You and sucked back a lung-full of nang, causing him to crash his Dad’s 45ft Riviera into a water taxi terminal.

More to come.



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