21 March, 2016. 17:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

MINOR PARTY STAFFERS HAVE been observed cleaning windscreens at traffic lights around Canberra today as the possibility of a double dissolution election becomes greater.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced he will bring the budget forward a few days, sparking wild rumours that a double dissolution election is almost certain to take place on July 2.

After new electoral reforms were passed last week, it all but spells the end for minor parties in Australian politics.

Seen dressed in a tattered grey hoodie, one current policy advisor was seen cleaning windscreens at a set of Fyshwick traffic lights. Though his future looks bleak, he’s remaining chipper.

“If there’s a double dissolution election, staffers of minor party senators are fucked,”

“It’s about to get a lot harder for people like me,” he said. “I won’t even get a good reference out of the guy because most of the people in this country think he’s mentally ill.”

“But everything is going to be OK. I still have my health.”

Another shirtless media advisor was caught fishing coins out of The Canberra Times Fountain in Civic. It was the same staffer, who cannot be named for legal reasons, that was seen collecting plastic bottles and cans out of bins around ANU.

“They didn’t think about the staffers when they changed those laws,” he said, wiping dirty tears off his cheeks.

“They were only thinking about themselves.”





  1. Chin up fellas. In a few years millions of jobs will trickle down from proposed company tax changes. And the wages will be much higher thanks to this gift back to the donors.

    That is the claim of Arthur Sinodinos anyway and I can’t think of a reason why we couldn’t trust him.

    In the meantime do a course…… maybe air conditioning sales…….. anything related to human survival in a not so familiar environment.

  2. Wait a minute mate, I clean car windows and I’m doing real well thank you very much. I pick a busy street and have trained Ipec, my pigeon. When the lights turn orange she flies along the line of cars and shits on the driver’s windscreen, right in the line of vision.
    I have had drivers jump out of their cars and threatened to punch my head off if I don’t clean their widescreens straight away. That’s how good the demand can get.
    Fringe benefits include, no GST, no income tax, work my own hours and I don’t have a boss.
    At the end of every shift I get a helicopter home. It is only a ten minute walk to,the boarding house but what the heck, it’s only money!

  3. I’ve smoked cones with Jacqui Lambie’s adviser up at the Woden Cemetery. He couldn’t get em down in one but. Soft.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here