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In what The Age describe as their core demographic, a breeding pair of Fitzroy yuppies have set their sights on Daylesford as the coronavirus lockdown in Melbourne has put things into perspective for them.

Originally from South Yarra, which is masthead understands is on the southern banks of the Yarra River and it full of the type of people who are dispised by those who were born in the wrong postcode, the couple moved to Fitzroy some ten years ago to take advantage of the slightly lower property prices on the ‘hellish northside’.

They are Simon Clayton and Grace Doyle.

Ms Doyle kept her name after their lowkey wedding in 2016, she says, because of her business which bears her name.

Simon works in the city, doing something with other cunts who look just like him.

But the pandemic has taught them a number of things.

“We don’t need to be in Melbourne,” they said – almost in unison.

“This year has been so tough. We’ve had almost every social engagement cancelled. What’s a life without weddings and birthdays to look forward to? Without all that, it’s just my architecture work. And that can be quite a bore,” said Grace.

“So we’re thinking Daylesford.”

Again, Simon laughed and put his hands deep into the front pockets of his blue puffer vest as if to say he wasn’t sure of himself.

“There’s people like us there. Great food and wine. It’s only an hour from Melbourne, I think. Is it?”

Our reporter indicated that they didn’t know, as this newspaper is based in the Queensland Channel Country and quite honestly has no reason to report on what Grace and Simon were planning to do with their lives.

“It wouldn’t be that far. If it’s further than one charge in the Tesla, Gracie, baby, I’m not moving there!” said Simon.

Our reporter then hung the phone up.

More to come.


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