ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

STOPPING SHORT OF TELLING Australians to reconsider their need to travel to the United States, the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trading has updated the to reflect the growing threat to human life and political stability in the United States.

The update comes after the United States’ own travel advisory website recommended earlier this year that Americans should be extra cautious around bodies of water in Australia because of the ‘recent spate’ of crocodile attack in Northern Queensland.

Foreign Minister Julie Bishop defended the updates, saying that Australians should know that America is pretty fucked up at the moment and make their decision to travel there accordingly.

“The great American pastime of being shot while going about your business has never been more popular. Now that Trump is set to be imprisoned, we’re asking Australians to reconsider their need to travel to the United States because some serious shit is about to go down,” said Bishop.

“We updated the website to reflect this. There’s an inherent danger in most things we do – and we mitigate these dangers with up-to-date information that allows us to make informed and correct decisions. In the context of travel, this is the purpose of the Smart Traveller website,”

“But yeah, be careful in America.”



  1. I think your wisest course, any time in America in some parts at least, don’t talk politics or religion and don’t say God or Jesus as swear words! That doesn’t go down well in some areas. Maybe just shut up?

  2. I’ve found the safest approach whilst traversing the Great Saten is to imagine your dealing with the Soup Nazi in every encounter. Keep your eyes averted;state your business and don’t dally. Then get to the nearest Qantas lounge.


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