The under-fire Prime Minister of the country who has spent the last two weeks urging everyone to just calm down a little bit about these fires ripping through the nation has today announced an exciting new policy initiative.

After spending the day watching the cricket and sporadically yelling ‘Niceeeee Garrrrrry’ to his staffers, the Prime Minister exclusively informed The Advocate that he’s finally figured out how to make this unmarketable problem go away.

“Land clearing,” said the excited Eastern Suburbs boy.

“Myself, Gladys (Berejiklian) and Annastacia (Palaszczuk) put our heads together and we figured out a cutting edge solution to the problem of bush fires, that aren’t exacerbated by Climate Change, which the jury is still out on how much of a thing that actually is,” explained Morrison.

“But anyway, what we are going to do, is getting rid of all the native vegetation laws and go through there with trucks, chainsaws, dozers and chains.”

“You can’t have devastating bushfires if you don’t have any bush can ya (sic)”

Morrison explained that the best part of the whole scheme is that the government wouldn’t even have to do any of the clearing.

“It’s a win-win. All we’d have to do is let the cowboys in like they did up until a couple of decades ago, they’ll clear the lot for us, and we won’t have to worry about funding emergency services.”

“How good!”

The plan was roundly endorsed by Berejiklian and Palaszczuk who said they’ve already started making plans in regards to selling any crown land.


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