ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister is travelling to the tiny island nation of Tuvalu this week to meet with leaders of other Pacific Nations.

While many subjects will be broached during the leadership summit, none seem more pressing than the threat of climate change and the potential harm it will cause to some of the Earth’s lowest lying and poorest countries.

ScoMo, the Prime Minister, explained to reporters this morning on the tarmac at Canberra Airport that he’s acutely aware of the dangers rising sea levels have on Pacific Nations and that he’s not going all the way to Tonga [sic] without a suitcase full of solutions.

“I was going to announce this at the summit but I might as well do it here,” laughed ScoMo, who was sporting a Sharks flatcap, three-quarter length cargo pants with the fly undone and a pair of oversized Etnies skate shoes.

“But the government has committed to $500 million worth of sandbag funding for Pacific Nations under threat from climate change.”

The Prime Minister’s Chief of Staff accidentally dropped a tube of prime ministerial Pringles down the jetstairs, the top popping off and the brittle chips disintergrating on tarmac below.

“For fuck’s sake, John! What am I going to have for my dinunch! Go and get me another tube!”

Chief of Staff John Kunkel excused himself and paced back to the terminal.

“Anyway, I want to make it clear that this sandbag funding is only for Pacific Nations that are having a go. I’m looking at you, Kiribati!”

“I’ve also packed the Promise of Australia, which I’ll hand out at the end of the summit. It’s basically a showbag with nothing in it except someone else’s medical bills and used condoms filled with chewed chewing gum. I think they’ll like it.”

ScoMo then nodded for a few minutes without saying anything then continued on his way up the jet stairs, pausing to see his Chief of Staff running across the tarmac with a new tube of Pringles.

“Hurry up, John!”

John then dropped the second tube of Pringles and ScoMo turned toward the Boeing’s door and threw his carry on bag through it.

More to come.


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