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A damning report into the local hospitality industry has outlined a number of shocking shortcomings – including the fact that nobody knows why each licensed premises in the wider Betoota area has a small television playing extreme sports clips on repeat.

Peter Godwin, from the Office of Alcohol and Gaming, handed down his findings today to the local shire council.

“Not one bar owner or manager was able to tell me how and why they have said televisions in their places of business,” said Godwin.

“One owner I spoke to said he opened up the pub one day and the TV was just there. He couldn’t explain why or how it ended up there. But he enjoyed having clips of wingsuit flyers and skydivers playing on repeat as it made his establishment look sporty and sexy,”

“He seemed to not be concerned by any other issues, such as why in the hell these televisions even exist in the first place and why they’re in his pub. Madness. Not a single person involved in the Betoota hospitality scene could articulately explain them.”

Wanting to get to the bottom of the issue, or reporters made contact with a number of bar owners and managers around The Advocate’s Old City district offices.

What they found was nothing short of shocking.

Sam Willett, manager of The Old Cuck & Hold Hotel across the street from the newsroom, said he knows why the televisions exist – but he’s got no idea how they ended up there.

“There are companies that pay to advertise shit on them, like Red Bull and shit,” he said.

“We advertise shit on them as well, like our Trivia Nights and badge draws. But yeah, the extreme sports and shit is there to catch people’s eyes. Seeing a cunt jump off a cliff and fly between a row of trees is pretty eye-catching. Then pow, an ad,”

“You don’t have to be a smart man to work that one out. Always follow the money. Anyway fellas, cheers.”

More to come.


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