After being caught with marijuana at seventeen, and being caught binge drinking several times since then, Prince Harry has finally come good and settled down with a nice girl – only after being sent to war.

Queen Elizabeth II is reportedly very relieved that her youngest little ranger grandson has done so well with himself, after being quite clearly such a fuck up for so long.

“Phew” she said.

“That boy had us worried, especially when he started doing illicit cannabis in his late teens. That’s not very normal, and we didn’t think he’d come back from it to be honest” said the Queen.

“He seems to be on the right track finally. Being sent to the frontline in Iraq will do that to a man”

According to several spokespeople from the English Royal Family, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are still on to wed at 9:00pm (AEST) at St George’s Chapel in Windsor, with thousands of people from around the world queued on the streets of the town hoping to get a glimpse of the couple.

The newlyweds will leave the chapel at 10pm and go on a carriage ride through the town before their two reception ceremonies.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here