ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The flesh-wearing lizard who calls themselves Brad Hazard has said the state government in New South Wales may be forced to shut every pub in Broken Hill if this outbreak in Western Sydney can’t be contained.

Mr Hazard, who this masthead understands to be the NSW Health Minister but could easily be wrong, is saying he makes no apologies to the Broken Hill Chamber of Commerce because the very nature of his actions is to ensure their safety.

He spoke briefly to the media this morning after sitting in the park in plain view of everyone eating plain baguette from end to end.

“If we can’t keep a lid on this Lakemba outbreak, it’s true in saying that we’d be forced to shut down every pub in Broken Hill. But not just there. We’d have to close down the pub at Silverton, Pooncarie, Louth, Tilpa. Places that have never had any cases of the virus,”

“We could just ban people from Sydney from going anywhere, which would be seriously fantastic. In fact, if I could cattle gun every cunt in this town, I fucking would,”

“Sorry, that wasn’t Brad talking. Um. Yeah, so everybody can blame Lakemba for ruining Christmas. Brad out.”

More to come.


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