NewStart Recipient Plans To Build Diverse Share Portfolio With Any Proposed Payment Increases

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local economic handbrake has taken time out of his busy day of doing fuck all to tell The Advocate that he plans to start building a diverse share portfolio with any proposed increases to his NewStart allowance.

Joseph Lengton, 27, has been sporadically employed since Ansell’s Dental Dam factory shut down in Betoota Ponds last year.

He’s been looking for work ever since, he said he’s yet to find any real employment outside of our town’s vibrant gig economy.

While briefly considering relocating to Ansell’s Female Condom factory in Manildra, the cost of reskilling and moving have put that out of financial reach.

Speaking to our reporter this afternoon, Joseph said that it’s very difficult to live on the current NewStart allowance and he’s having trouble making ends meet.

“I’m going without food, medication and sometimes shelter. I just don’t have enough money to live even the most basic existance in the shittest part of this shithole town. It’s simply impossible,” he said.

“However, I need to start planning for my future. I’m not getting any younger and I have to make sure I’ve got my ducks in a row for my retirement.”

After seeing this morning on the news that popular backbencher Barnaby Joyce is calling for an increase to the NewStart allowance after experiencing what it’s like to be middle-class broke, Lengton decided that any increase he got would be put toward his future.

“Unlike every other dole recipient who’d immediately spend the increases to the payment, putting public money straight back into the economy and thus stimulating it a bit, I’d start buying some bluechip shares,” he said.

“Maybe even some Vanguard ETFs? You know why Vanguard is so popular with everyday Australians? Because they make them rich. It’s pivotal to keep your savings ahead of inflation. With interest rates at all time lows, you’ll go backwards hoarding cash in a savings account,”

“It doesn’t matter if you’ve got $20 or $20 million. It’s the same principal. There might be other NewStart recipients out there who do the same. Unlikely but stranger things have happened.”

The Advocate reached out to the Minister for the Marginalised for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.