LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT

Abigail Douvan (22) of Betoota’s French Quarter received a call from her Nana today, just making sure she’s not planning to eat any red meat on Good Friday.

Although the two live in different cities, the granddaughter/grandma relationship has stayed strong over time as Nana Vola continues to effort to raise her adult granddaughter as a good Catholic girl. 

As a former good Catholic girl herself, Nana Vola wanted to ensure granddaughter Abigail didn’t buy herself a one way ticket to Lil Nas X’s fresh hell by eating red meat on the one day a year the church says you’re not to.

“That’s a girl,” stated Vola Douvan, delighted her granddaughter would not be eating meat on Good Friday.

“I know you’re a vegetarian but you can’t be too careful.” 

“Is your brother around? Do you know what he’s having for lunch today?” 

Despite having been an atheist since her first year of Catholic education, Abigail was happy to let her Nana know that she would not be eating red meat today, leaving out the bit where it has nothing to do with Christ.

“If Jesus really died for our sins there wouldn’t be any factory farming,” stated young Douvan as she tucked into a vegan Easter egg she snagged for only $40. 

“But I can pretend for Nana. She pretends not to be racist in front of us, I can be religious for her. It’s only fair.” 

With no further religious observations until Christmas, Douvan is expecting all future phone calls with Nana to be future husband and fleeting-chances-of-starting-a-family related until then.  


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