Mike Baird has been praised today by Sydney’s growing crowd of gentrified graphic designers, after he has vowed to go ‘full bore’ when it comes to relocating people who rely on Government services out of nice places.

The State Government has already announced plans to transform the rail corridor between Eveleigh and Central, including the dense housing estates, which is near a planned new railway station, into a private, affordable and social housing area with retail and office space.

But that’s not it, he’s also planning on relocating any ‘coastal housos’ from La Perouse, Little Bay, as well as non-Sydney areas such as Wollongong and Coffs Harbour.

“It really comes down to being realistic” he said, while flanked by his heavily deodorised Hillsong-associated political advisors.

“Like, what are these people contributing? Other than a dramatic comparison in class to their neighbours”

“We are more than happy to help these people, but council housing looks the same wherever you are.

“They don’t need to be floating around Millers Point. We could fit at least 6 more cafes and couple more 24-hour gyms in those buildings, as well as like 200 multi-million dollar apartments”

“We have identified a suitable location for a Houso-Megacentre’ – it’s only 50 kilometres out the back of Bourke. We’ll have all the services they need out there so they can continuing being helpless diplorable, but out of sight”

Baird believes he is already on the nose with the National Party voters, so dumping 50,000 vulnerable residents into their hands couldn’t hurt his polling any more.

“If these people want to live in Sydney, they are more than welcomed to”

“They just need to overcome whatever debilitating conditions they have – whether that is old age, mental illness or drug dependance – then they need to get a job that pays over 60k a year, find a partner with these same prospects and live in Blacktown. That’s pretty much Sydney [Laughter]”

“Oh yeah, they’ll need a car as well [laughter]”

Mr Baird has been under strict instructions to not push public housing residents anywhere near the NSW Bible Belt, in Sydney’s North-West.

“Look, working with Hillsong, we’ve managed to get a train line out there. But I’ve been asked to make sure no one moves to the Hills unless they can afford to 10% household income tax that they need to pay the Church”

Premier Mike Baird has dismissed concerns that the inner-Sydney suburb of Waterloo will end up with residential density similar to levels in Hong Kong and New York.



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