17 January, 2017. 10:15

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Two North Betoota mates formed a pact overnight to clear each other’s browser history in the event that either of them dies.

Ernie Collins and Bernard Stevenson relocated to town late last year from Darlinghurst, on Sydney’s Upper East Side. They’re classic blokes who love a stitch-up as much as the next bloke – one of their best pranks they pull is that if you dare them to kiss, they will. It’s so funny.

So thick is their friendship, they’ve entrusted one another with one of the most important things a bloke can do for his fellow man.

“We both look at some pretty hectic smut on the internet,” said Ernie. “Like full-on plastic sheet type stuff. We both live for that shit. We also like being brutalised and smacked… have people walk on my DNA purse and everything. God, I’m sick.”

“Anyway, we don’t want our families and other loved ones to know explicitly what really got the grease out of our guns, you know what I’m saying,” said Bernard. “Obviously if we die in an odd or unnatural circumstance, they’ll turn to our laptops for clues. So rather than Mum and Dad feeling the indignity of raising a coprophiliac, I’d rather them remember me for being the nice little rugby boy they always wanted me to be.”

As two of Betoota’s most eligible bachelors, protecting their public and social image is paramount. Something they hope to maintain in case of an untimely death.

More to come.



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