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A Betoota Heights father of three said he’s been making sure to watch two hours of Sky News before bed each night because Easter is coming up and he’ll need to educate his family on the real way things work in the world.

It became clear as the interview went on that Desmond Murray was under the impression he was talking to The Betoota Bugle, the local NewsCorp newspaper here in our cosmopolitan desert republic.

The 59-year-old was speaking very loudly at our reporter.

Not yelling or being at all aggressive, he was just very worked up.

“It just boils my piss,” he said as he stood with our reporter in his kitchen.

“My kids come back from the city and their head is just full of all this leftie garbage about politics and everything. They believe so many lies, they don’t even question anything,”

Des pursed his lips in anger and clenched his jaw.

“They think they’re so righteous and they’re the purveyors of what is right and what is wrong, with no argument.”

Our reporter asked Des if he was still talking about his kids or he’d started speaking in more general terms.

“I’m talking about all those cunts,” he said.

“Poisonous lefties. Subservient to their masters. That’s why I have to watch Sky every night because when my family comes here for Easter, I’ll need to give them a dose of the real world. Tell you what, those cunts at The Betoota Advocate have a lot to answer for. I’d shoot that Clancy cunt. I’d fucken [sic] do him in. Fucking turning my kids against me, the cunt. Fuck it makes me wild,”

“I don’t care if I ruin Easter like I apparently ruined Christmas by calling my daughter’s new boyfriend ‘a soft little simp’ after he said every National Party member should be in a gulag. Little fuck doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Our reporter nodded and smiled.

“Which is why I respect you bastards at The Bugle. At least you try to be impartial. When Col Allen was running the show at your newspaper, you could set your watch to it. One of the last beacons of journalism in this once-great country,”

“It’s a shame.”

Our reporter thanked Des for his time and pretended to take a phone call on the way out.

More to come.


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