ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The timing belt deep within a local Guangzhou Go Kart snapped this afternoon as it was hurtling down the Diamantina Access Road at a tenth of the speed of sound.

It belonged to a Betoota Heights plumber, Sandy Roland. She told our reporter that she’d only had the vehicle for a few months.

But now that she knows what happened, it’s unlikely it’ll ever move again.

“I was overtaking some sock-cock in a Jeep when the fucking Baoding Billycart blew up on me,” she said.

Our reporter joined Sandy on the side of the highway after she flagged them down.

“It’s insured. All my tools are, too. I might as well torch the cunt,” she spat.

“I could make it look like an accident, just pull that dopey fucking fuel line off the side and light it. I’ll pay you to do it.”

As our reporter is currently here on a 457 visa, they opted to not commit insurance fraud.

But little to Sandy’s knowledge, her Chinese-made black dog automobile had just made it’s stand against its dumb skippy owner.

All over Australia, the timing belts have been mysteriously slipping off their pulleys and head gaskets have been blowing inside Great Wall cars.

Whether that’s a coincidence, Sandy thinks not.

“I don’t give a fuck, mate. How in Christ am I going to get this fat hooo-er of a thing off the side of the highway and up to a mechanics? Fucking fuck, this is going to cost me a fucking fortune,” she said.

“Can you please just torch the cunt? Please, mate.”

Our reporter sighed and told Sandy to stand back.

More to come.


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