25 June, 2016. 13:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

DESPITE BEING UNDER 25 AND politically active, Graham White says life is worth living – because if he tries hard enough, he’ll get what he wants.

The 23-year-old wants to be Charlie Pickering.

But there’s a number of substantial hurdles that are lying in wait for the happy-go-lucky Brisbaneian, things like him being able to tell ripper yarns, drink full-carb beer and get down like it’s the last days of Rome. All things that prevent him from being on the television.

“I also plan to vote for Malcolm Turnbull,” he said.

“I’m a small business owner and I plan to get myself a mortgage in the next year or so. I’m not having some vaseline jar union boy running the economy. Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Anyway [coughs]. Those are a few things I need to address before anybody will put me on the ABC, because the commercial networks sure as shit won’t let me man spread before 9pm.” he said.

White then let out an ear-piercing cough, before flopping something green and brown from deep inside him out of his mouth and onto the rug.

“You see, I couldn’t do that on TV,” he said as he rubbed the golly into the rug with his boot.

“I’d also have an ashtray on my desk so mates like Paul Kelly and Chris Pyne wouldn’t have to duck out the back for some lung candy. I’d have a rule. You can’t come on my show unless your lungs look like garbage bags.” he said.



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