ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A popular French Quarter Labrador has laughed off the suggestion he’d like a backyard this morning, telling The Advocate he’s perfectly OK with living in a small, trendy apartment in the heart of our town’s cultural hub.

Kennedy, a five-year-old Labrador and a COVID lockdown brain snap purchase, took time out of his busy morning of barking at flies and knocking things over to speak to our reporter about how good life is.

“I get to go to the park every day,” he said.

“Well, most days. Sometimes my owner decides to have a few after work and he doesn’t get home until late. Or he stays out late and doesn’t come back until midnight. He still takes me outside to shit on the footpath like a footy player, though. I can hold it in for ages if I have to,”

“But, I’ve learned how to piss in the bathroom. He can just hose the tiles down, it’s no big deal. I’ve never had a backyard so I don’t miss having one, you know?”

Our reporter spoke briefly to Kennedy’s sadistic owner, Oliver, who says he’d have a backyard if he could afford one – and one day he hopes he can.

But as a youngish professional millennial who was raised in a stable, middle-class household, he feels entitled to having one right now, even though he’s barely started his working life.

“It’s not fair,” he said.

“But in a way, it is. I’m lucky to have what I have but I want – and deserve more. We’ll see how we go, I’m still waiting for the market to dip a little. Kennedy and I are just biding our time,”

“Do you have a dog?”

Our reporter yes but only shares in greyhounds.

More to come.


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