23 December, 2015. 15:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE MOST HANDSOME AND CONFIDENT guy in his circle of friends has become better than all of them for finally kicking the world’s most disgusting and expensive habit – smoking.
Myles Beanbag, or “Champ” to his mates, said he was hypnotised by big tobacco. Thinking he couldn’t live without his beloved cigarettes, he had an epiphany during an ascent of Mount Kosciuszko.
“There was this 50-something bloke ahead of me up the trail,” said Beanbag. “I was shocked. I though he must’ve been a fit bloke but he wasn’t. He was round as fuck. Turns out he was just a non-smoking.”
Much to chagrin of his men friends, Beano has been able to stay off the durries for 60 days now, a feat they’ve talked up to his determination to be a better person than them. Same goes for Beanbag’s cousins, who lament the fact that he’ll be the only male at the Christmas table on Thursday who doesn’t smoke.
“Myles bought me my first pack of Winfields,” said his first cousin, Greg. “He always used to be the family pack horse when it came to smoking. He’d always have some. The social smokers, like Aunt Em and Uncle Poon, all used to flock to him after their third drink.”
Beanbag said he looks forward to continuing his streak as a better person in to the New Year.
“It’s sad, in a way,” he said. “Now I’m going to be the last one to die out of the boys, so I’ll have to go to all their funerals.”