Local bloke, Cole Chisel (49, Betoota Heights) hasn’t missed a dawn service since he can remember.

While most of his mates only started taking part in ANZAC Day commemorations when John Howard began fetishising the needless loss of young lives in Gallipoli for political gain in the late-90s, Cole was marching with his Pop well before the greater public were expected to spend 12 hours getting pissed and gambling on the most solemn day in the nation’s calendar.

In fact, call him old fashioned, but aside from a few rums at the gunfire breakfast, this humble small-town mechanic doesn’t even drink that much on ANZAC Day.

Because the sacrifices made by our diggers mean too much for him to desecrate their memory by spending a day puking into urinals and singing Horses.

He too patriotic for that.

That’s why his mates can’t believe he isn’t taking to Facebook to share grainy memes that defend the horrific allegations levelled at some of the most highly-trained soldiers Australia has ever sent into battle.

“I think he’s gone soft” says close mate, Plonka (51, Real Estate Agent)

“He must be watching The Project or something. That Waleed Aly turns everyone into a leftie”

Another mate, Banger (50, Logistics Manager) says he thought Cole would be the first bloke to realise that sometimes in the fog of war, bad things happen.

“Mate, all these inner-city snowflakes just don’t get it”

“Sometimes you just need to shoot autistic Afghan civilians for no reason”

“Or kick handcuffed farmers off cliffs. I dunno mate. I’m not questioning the actions of these blokes”

“Because if I do that… Then I’ll also have to start questioning my entire identity as a patriotic Aussie and everything I have been raised to believe”

“So fuck that. I support the SAS”

Cole’s mates are of course talking about the recently published Brereton War Crimes Report that alleges Australian special forces soldiers allegedly committed at least 39 murders in Afghanistan, and 19 current or former soldiers will face possible prosecution and the stripping of their medals after the findings of an exhaustive defence inquiry exposed a culture of cover-ups and deceit.

Unlike his mates, Cole is not as keen to blindly defend the horrific war crimes that have been levelled against the SAS.

“All I can say is…” says Cole.

“If these allegations are in fact true…”

Cole sighs.

“Then I think that’s pretty bloody ordinary” he mutters, arrogantly confirming that he is a left-wing coward who hates Australia.

“Actually. I better be careful with what I say here… I might get a cease and desist from Kerry Stokes”



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