ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man so devoid of any discernible personality that he took a job as an account coordinator at local advertising agency has lashed out at the suggestion that he ‘hasn’t got what it takes’ to work on the creative team, telling The Advocate he could be one ‘easy peasy’.

Conor Walton, who shot to local fame in 2010 for being the only person in the district to enjoy Coldplay’s music, said that he’s always wanted to be a creative, but a lack of a creative background or portfolio of past work has kept him out of that aspect of the industry.

“All they do is rock up to work late in their stupid fucking trainers and their size-too-small t-shirts with breakfast spilt down the front of it,” said the furious Virgo.

“And then they, ‘Get to work brainstorming’ before breaking for lunch. It’s an easy fucking job and any cunt can do it. I’m trying to make the jump across but my boss said it’s not worth it,”

“It’s such a boys club this fucking agency. Such a private school clique. When we went to Cannes last year, I paid for myself to go, by the way, none of those arseholes would help me tie my tie for the big night and I looked ridiculous. I’ll show them.”

However, Conor’s bosses have other plans for the cardigan-wearing sociopath. None of which include being a copywriter.

“He’s just not one of us,” said the agency’s creative director.

“You know, you can just tell when someone isn’t creative. How they handle themselves and how they speak. This bloke’s like someone else’s annoying dog you can’t boot when it pisses on your rug,”

“Except the rug he’s trying to piss on is in the creative corner. It’s just not going to happen.”

More to come.


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