ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

One of the most controversial parts of Treasurer Josh Frydenberg’s budget won’t make it through Parliament after Labor and the crossbench said they wouldn’t support the plan to turn people on the Old Age Pension into food for pets.

Frydenberg laid out in his budget that Australians on age-based welfare are costing the taxpayer billions upon billions each year.

And it’s now reached the point where the nation needs to start focusing on the future.

“Even though we’re in this economic mess because of a lockdown aimed at protecting our society’s most vulnerable, we’ve crunched the numbers and taking people on the old age pension, tapping them on the head, de-boning and skinning them before dumping the meat into a mincer seemed to produce the best outcome for the country,”

“The Commonwealth would’ve canned the meat and sold it to supermarkets. Pensioner’s Protein Plus we would’ve called it,”

“This is just another example of Labor standing in the way of our efforts to get the country back on its feet. Revolting.”

However, both Anthony Albanese and Shadow Treasurer Violent J Chalmers said they would not support legislation that kills people with a bolt gun.

“We just think there’s a better way,” said Albo.

“Turning people into pet food is not something my party will support. I don’t even think Toto would support it. No, I’m sure Toto wouldn’t.”

Chalmers was just as scathing in his assessment of a proposed state-sponsored mass murder.

“It doesn’t make economical sense,” he said.

“You’d be better off turning bankers into dog food. They have better marbling and their muscles haven’t worked a day in their lives. It’d be like butter.”

More to come.


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