12 February, 2016. 11:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD Arthur Simkins says he wants to be a political staffer when he grows up.

He remembers that day, back when he was only 14. The day Australia turned their back on Kevin Rudd.

“Kevin is the reason why I get up in the morning. He’s such and inspiration,” said Simkins. “He’s the bravest politician in the history of this nation.”

Because of the New Farm resident’s love of the brand of academic neo-socialism that both Rudd and Sanders bring to the spectrum, he’s decided to throw his support behind the Senator from Vermont the only way a non-US citizen can.

With a bumper sticker.

“I had to ask mum for permission first,” explained Simkins.

“She married a pretty successful lawyer and she’s uncomfortable around gay people. I’m not sure if she’ll let me get away with a Bernie sticker! [laughs]”

But it turns out, Arthur’s Alan Jones-loving, Andrew Bolt-reading mother was all for it. Ellen Simkins is just happy her son has social interests – and isn’t ripping cones under the Story Bridge with other kids his age.

“God, his brother was the worst,” said Mrs Simkins. “He lived in a share house on Vulture Street for years. All he did was smoke dope all day and listen to Powderfinger.”

“Now he’s stuck in some dead end band, the Violette Mofos or something idiotic like that. I’m just happy Artie has normal interests like US politics and Warhammer.”

As the guy who owns the car and the house Arthur and Ellen Simkins live in, Max Simkins SC, has echoed his wife’s sentiments, saying that he’s happy for his youngest son to have an interest in socialism – if it means it isn’t going to cost him money.

He agrees that Arthur is smart enough to do what ever he wants in life, but he’s also concerned about that facet of him, too.

“Look, he’s a good kid,” said Mr Simkins. “But he’s a little bit too good, you know?”

“I’d rather him have other interests, some more appropriate for a kid like his age. Like girls, XXXX and partying? That’s what I did. It’s not like I’m disappointed he likes US politics so much, it’s just, you know, it’s a bit weird.”

As all US presidential hopefuls gear up for the Nevada primary on February 20, Arthur is planning to stay up all night to get the result live.


  1. Just what are you advocating here? A vote for hillary?
    I get it that youre trying to be humourous through an attempt at wit, but in this case, you didn’t even get it half right.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here