ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Federal Trade Minister Simon Birmingham was left screaming this afternoon as China slaps tarrifs and export bans on more Australian products.

“Jesus Christ!” he screamed, causing Churchie McCormack and Big Scott to wince.

“What the fuck don’t we export to China?”

Looking at each other as they smiled, Michael McCormack suggested we don’t export cars to China.

“Shut up, Michael! We’re fucked! Even more fucked than that time you thought you were when you blacked out on the OPs at the Riverine Club in 1987 and woke up to find the whole town disappointed in you,”

“Those are the kinds of horrors I’m going through with this China shit. If they ban the import of Australian honey? Who’s going to eat it? Every cunt in this country is fucking near broke, who the fuck can afford to spend $40 on a pot of Manuka honey? Fucking no cunt! Fuck!”

Just as Mr Birmingham almost step off the ledge into the deep end, David Littleproud walked into the party room and asked why Simon was crying.

“What’s wrong with this cunt?” asked David.

“Mate, who cares? Just have a blow, mate. Go up the coast and sit on a beach. Have some prawns, you big stress head,”

“You city boys blow gaskets all the time. Simon, mate, just suck in some big ones and have a gold can. Go sit out in the courtyard with Barnaby and have him roll you a smoke. Fucks sake, mate. It’s only money.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here