Inner-City Leftie Worried His Pointless, Dead Wood Position At ABC Is About To Be ‘Reviewed’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A useless piece of 50-year-old rot inside the ABC’s Diamantina Bureau is concerned that Ita Buttrose’s appointment as Auntie’s chair will be the end of his gravy train.

French Quarter resident Oliver Spearman, who’s worked at the ABC for close to two decades, where he’s largely done fuck all except draw an inappropriately large salary and go on strike, said that he’s quietly concerned that ‘this obvious Liberal plant’ in the organisation will result in him having his position ‘reviewed’.

The assistant social media manager for Radio National overnights spoke exclusively to The Advocate today, telling our reporters that he thinks Ita Buttrose wasn’t the best candidate for the job.

“I was hoping it’d be another self-important, smug Balmain/Glebe champagne socialist,” he said.

“The type of inner-city left elite who just needs to be lead down to the harbour, shot in the back of the head twice with a small-calibre pistol then thrown to the bull sharks. You know the ones I’m talking about, don’t you? Anyway.”

“When somebody like that is in charge of the ABC, we can all get away with murder. Now I’m – and a lot of other bits of drift wood – are worried that Ita is going to crack the whip and make us do some actual work, like we work for Four Corners or something. I don’t know how I’ll sleep this week!”

The Advocate reached out to Auntie’s bureau chief here in our cosmopolitan and spritely desert republic but have yet to receive an answer.

However, due to Ita’s background in commercial journalism where the bottom line lives as the great equaliser, it seems Mr Spearman will be driving an Uber by Q4 of this financial year.

More to come.