ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Premier of New South Wales has retreated to her Parliamentary Office after a long day of defending something everyone knows is wrong.

Despite their best efforts to destroy all evidence relating to a $250m slush fund used to pork-barrel local councils in the lead up to the most recent state election, forensic investigators were able to retrieve the evidence which pointed the finger squarely at Gladys Berejiklian.

The Advocate can reveal that Gladys took the news that the investigators had found what they were looking for quite badly.

One witness explained this masthead that the wet noodle in a suit who calls himself State Treasurer Dominic “Dom” Perrottet was told to “Fuck off!” by the Premier as she made her way back to her office.

And as she got back to her office, she slammed the door with such ferocity that it woke Don Harwin from his afternoon couch siesta on the floor above.

Once there, she pumped some music and refused to come out.

The broken-down, Ford Territory-driving South Coast Dad Andrew Constance knocked on the door a few times to see how she was but the Blink 182 apparently drowned the knocks out.

Finally, the Premier emerged and decided to face the media.

“Yeah, so what? I fucking did it. Take me off the jail,” she said.

“Or ground me. I don’t care. I don’t even want to go to Jenna’s gatho on Saturday. She hooked up with Dylan last weekend and now Nevaeh and Pumice aren’t talking to her,”

“Oh my God, are you still talking about that?! Pork barrelling isn’t even illegal so fuck off!”

More to come.


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