A local Betoota man who hasn’t smoked weed for a while wants to make it absolutely clear that this sudden bout of violent coughing he’s having is completely unrelated to the fact that he hasn’t had a bong since Schoolies ’06.

Bill Whittleingham, 28, had been asked by some friends-of-friends at a house party if he smokes. Despite not knowing where to buy marijuana for ten years, Mr. Whittleingham reportedly told the group that he is, in fact, a ‘total stoner’.

“Yeah I blaze up every now and then!”, he reportedly said.

“Every day when I come home from youth group, I’m always like, rolling a big fat cone filled with that sweet ganja. Haha”

However, party-goers and on-lookers have been left unsure of the veracity of his claims, after he got half way through a baby billy and immediately broken out into several minutes of coughing.

“Oh- (cough) no it’s fine ha ha- (cough) this- (cough) this isn’t because of the- (cough) weed”.

“I- (cough) I have this cond- (cough) condition where I break- (cough) break out into violent coughs randomly- (cough) (cough) ha ha”

Despite sounding like a 40 year old motorcycle that’s refusing to start, Mr. Whittleingham has refused any assistance or water, saying that’s not what real stoners do.

“No- (cough) no water- (cough). Seth Rogen- (cough) would never- (cough) have water- (cough). Haha how good- (cough) is Seth Rogen- (cough) am I right? (cough)”

Mr.Whittleingham is hopeful that his unfortunate and completely-unrelated-to-weed coughing attack will not sour an otherwise great evening.

“Let’s- (cough) get some- (cough) music going- (cough). Someone- (cough) put on- (cough) Afroman”


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