13 October, 2016. 17:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

CLARK DONALDSON’S EYES WIDENED, then rolled back into his head.

His left side tingled and he was short of breath. Calling out to his wife, he found he couldn’t even say speak her name.

Though his gasping and coughing was enough to raise her attention, she found her husband face down in the living room with his beloved Wallabies hat by his side, Sky News still on the television.

The 67-year-old was having a major stroke, he was bleeding on the brain. Despite smoking close to forty Peter Stuyvesants and ingesting nearly four litres of cheap Scotch and instant coffee a day, the reason why the retired businessman was experiencing the last moments of his life so soon still reverberates amongst the friends he left behind.

“Paul Murray supports marriage equality,” explained close pal George.

“I’m sure that’s what caused Clark’s untimely death. He loved so much; people, rugby, German cars. He went too soon. But he didn’t die naturally. Paul Murray should know more about his audience, he should’ve known that everybody bloke who watches his show, watches their manboobed son run around playing rugby on the weekend,”

“We, as a whole, don’t support gay marriage – they’re perverts and should be flogged. When we watch Sky, we don’t expect to be shocked life that. If we want communist background noise, we’d leave it on ABC24.”

A Funeral Service to honour and remember the life of Clark Brian Donaldson will be held at the Northern Suburbs Memorial Gardens and Crematorium on TUESDAY (October 18th, 2016) at 10.00 am followed by Private Burial.


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