ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Prime Minister Scott Morrison opened his morning press conference today with four repeated words as China moves their bishops out into the centre of the board.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” said Scott.

“They’ve ruined Christmas.”

Overnight, the China Trade Commission slapped an export ban on fake plastic dog shit and whoopie cushions. Both of which are Santa Sack staples across the country.

The move has resulted in Trade Minister Andrew Gee scrambling to find an alternative supply of the classic prank items.

Early reports suggest fake plastic vomit from Central America could be used but as time is now an issue, it will have to be air freight.

Qantas CEO Alan Joyce has confirmed to The Advocate that the Federal Government as approached him to use an empty A380 to ferry whoopie cushions and fake dog shit (or vomit) from the developing world.

However, the Government has yet to confirm whether that is “furphy” or not.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here