ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The dreams of spending his ill-gotten, largely fraudulent tax return in some far-flung country have turned to into a nightmare.

Just when local man Oscar Dodson thought he was getting ahead in life, his VE Commodore decided enough was enough and threw him a check engine warning.

Before he sat down with The Advocate, the 25-year-old did what any responsible car owner does when this happens – he Googled what recalls and common problems his car has.

“Do you know anything about timing chains?” he asked our reporter.

“Because that’s what the internet is saying might be wrong with my car. On top of that, they reckon it costs a few grand to fix. I’ve only just bought the fucking thing! Yes, it does have a hundred and fifty on it but you’d hardly expect this to happen! Right?”

Last week, Oscar’s tax return arrived in his ING Goal Saver which meant he’d survived the audit lottery for another year.

It’s arrival heralded the return of office daydreams of being a million miles away from his Bell Potter (the menthol cigarette of the private asset management industry) cubicle.

“I was dreaming of going to the Rugby World Cup in Japan,” he said.

“So many of the boys are going and I’m desperate to clickety-clack my Baxters overseas at some point this year,”

“It’s not fair.”

Oscar then explained he had to duck off to meet a client before asking our reporter to cross his fingers.

“I home it’s just an old battery or an oxygen sensor,” he said.

“Fuck me swinging, I’d even take a vacuum leak that’s making it throw lean codes. Anything but the timing chains.”

More to come.


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