ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Senior executives at Bauer Media have begun distributing bolt cutters and pliers to their employees this afternoon after actress Rebel Wilson won her defamation case against the publishing giant.

Eight articles published last year by Bauer through their Walkley Award-winning magazine, Woman’s Day, were proven to have defamed Wilson by painter her as a ‘serial liar’ and a ‘cheat’.

However, an all-female jury took a little over two hours to deliver their positive verdict.

“This is bad news for Bauer,” said middle Bauer manager.

“We need to recoup this loss and we need to recoup it quickly – and the quickest way to make a buck in this town is to strip the copper wire from your office space. Channel Ten have been doing it ever since they entered voluntary receivership earlier this week,”

“Everybody staff member needs to pitch in and help us harvest the precious metals hidden within the walls, ceilings and floors. It’s the only way.”

It’s understood by The Advocate that absolutely everybody present at Bauer’s offices today has been asked to stay back and help with the copper theft.

That includes Dolly Magazine Beauty intern, Jessica Mulloway, who said a designer from Australian Geographic came into her suite around lunch time and threw a pair of bolt cutters at her.

She’s been pulling and cutting copper out of the walls since then.

“He just came in and said, ‘They’re cutting the power in 20 minutes. When the lights go off, start chopping ladies!’ and threw these big ugly scissors at me and left.”

“Me and Stace [sic] have been cutting up the wires all afternoon. There’s a big skip out on the street full of cables. This is so scary.”

More to come.

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