ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The nation’s spiritual agricultural minister has decided enough is enough and has taken it upon himself to fight the mice plague in northwest New South Wales with nothing but a hammer.
Barnaby Joyce joined our reporter as he taped his suit pants to his legs and his cuffs to his jacket before getting out of his personal Prado up in Walgett last night to go to war.
“I’m taking the fight to the mice,” yelled Barnaby and he struck the hammer violently on the ground.
“Gargh! Fuck! One got in my mouth!”
“Fuck you, you fucking bastards! Jesus Christ, they’re fucking everywhere!”
After killing six or seven mice, Barnaby ran from the grain shed and climbed up on the back of his Land Cruiser.
“You won’t see David Littleproud out here killing mice,” he shouted at our reporter, who hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet.
“Or that Invisible Coulton. Fucking hell, we’ll have to burn this whole place down. What do you reckon?”
Our reporter shurgged and looked at the earth roll and sway like a sea below the car.
“OK, I’m going to climb back down and try to hammer a few more.”
With that, Barnaby leapt from the roof off his Prado and began smashing more mice with his hammer.
“Fuck!”
More to come.
