FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

As tensions between Australia and China further deteriorate, Canberra has threatened to stop selling Australian-mined coal and iron ore to the Chinese, who use it to make almost every single thing retailed in Australia. 

“It’s time to play hardball” said Treasurer Josh Frydenberg, whilst sitting in a Chinese “leather” office chair.

“If they think they can insult Australia and put tariffs on random stuff for shits and giggles, I’m going to let rip.”

To hammer home the point, the treasurer then snapped a Chinese-made ballpoint pen in half and dropped it dramatically onto his Chinese desk before sweeping it into his Made in China bin.  

The Treasurer’s comments were not well-received by the Australian economy, which is primarily based on pulling stuff out of the ground and exporting it to China, and importing Chinese-manufactured goods to sell to other Australians.

The two way trade was worth over $250b in 2019, which included items critical to everyday life, such as drill bits that break the first time you use them, instruction manuals that make no sense whatsoever, and the Great Wall; a 1:1 scale toy car. Without these critical items Australia would have to take extreme measures, such as doing without or expanding our current manufacturing industry, which currently consists primarily of backyard meth labs. 

Retailer Gerry Harvey was approached for comment, but on being told of the Treasurer’s comments he collapsed and was rushed to hospital. 

More to come. 


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