ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Victorian Government is looking to pat themselves on the back today over their handling of the Tennis Open this month by greenlighting the Australian Grand Prix for later in the year.

Dan Andrews fronted the media this morning to both downplay the current situation in the nation’s sporting capital and spruik the benefits of bringing a few thousand more people in from all over the world.

“The Australian Open so far has been a roaring success for the people of Melbourne and people all over Victoria,” said Andrews.

“While there has been the odd hiccup, it was to be expected. What we have been able to prove here is that Victoria is able to host these international sporting events without jeopardising the lifestyles of not just people in Melbourne – but for Australians around the country,”

“So later in the year, I have instructed my government to put the wheels in motion to host the Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix later this year at Albert Park, deep within the beating heart of Melbourne.”

However, the sixteen punted guinea pigs and four drowned geese that make up the Victorian opposition have called for the plan to be scrapped.

“Blah blah blah I might as well be talking to my shoe,” said the one with the crooked face.

“Honk! Honk! Honk!” said the other one while coughing up rivers of seawater.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here