Tony Abbott has spent the last four hours wrestling with how to best come out in opposition to the Greens new proposal for marijuana reform, as is his duty as the stereotypical baby boomer back bencher who disagrees with the kids.

The first two hours are believed to have been spent tossing up whether or not he has the energy to begin this fight as the main coalition voice against marijuana. His concussion-riddled decision-making led him to settling on a tweet, only after a phone call from a childhood mate currently embroiled in the Banking and Financial Sector Royal Commission.

The next two hours were spent drafting up a tweet on the Twitter.

“Recreational marijuana use goes against the teachings of a very specific reading in a very hard to find chapter of the new testament” he began, before deleting the entire line and starting again.

Much like gay marriage, recreational marijuana use has been legal for years in many other parts of the world.. Countries like Portugal, Spain, Italy, Denmark, Austria, Brazil, Netherlands, and Norway, have either made cannabis legal or decriminalised its use. A number of US States, including California, Oregon, and Colorado, have similar legislation.

It is for this reason that Abbott believes he must be quick and aggressive in his opposition to the bill, in a hope to push back the inevitable legalisation by another decade as he did with marriage equality.

At time of press, Abbott was seen t-rexing yet another tweet in response to some staunch criticissm from Young Greens sympathisers

“Sorry kids. Adults speaking here. This doesn’t (sic) involve you” he wrote in reply.

“Stick to being keyboard warriors on your social media”


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