CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Liberal Party finally went ahead and officially launched their election campaign yesterday, only six days out from election day.
There were many reasons why they decided to wait this late to launch. Namely, the fact that the party doesn’t have to pay for any campaigning until they do the big event – which also means the tax-payers have funded the last 8 weeks of Morrison’s private jets and hotel rooms.
Another reason they might’ve waited until the last week is to announce the big last-minute policies that generate a big enough class war and generational divide to dominate headlines until the moment Australians are standing at the ballot.
And they certainly didn’t disappoint, as Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing unveiled a new housing scheme that will secure the assets of wealth-hoarding Australians who think they are geniuses for snapping up multiple risk-free property investments back when a 3 bedroom home cost the same as a 2019 RAV4.
Scotty says if the Coalition is re-elected on Saturday — they would enable first home buyers to use up to 40 per cent of their super, up to $50,000, to put towards buying a home, effectively redistributing the retirement savings of underpaid younger Australians, into the pockets of baby boomers who already have more than enough to live and die on.
“A re-elected Coalition government will allow first home buyers to invest a responsible portion of their own superannuation savings into their first home,” Mr Morrison said.
The first home buyers must have already saved another five per cent of their deposit separately, which brings them to roughly 52,500 dollars – barely enough to buy a 2-bedroom flat on the deepest outskirts of any major city.
After a fortnight of petty cheap shots, and constant promises to change, Scott Morrison may have found just the policy he needs to lure back older voters who think he is an incompetent fool that reminds them of the worst public servants they’ve ever had to deal with.
In fact, the new Super Home Buyer scheme might have breathed just enough life into the Morrison Government’s re-election campaign to get him over the line with every baby boomer that is privileged enough to not be staring down a retirment in an underfunded Federal aged care home.
It has also dramatically increased his popularity amongst working class families that had previously been locked out of the housing market, because they were losing 10% of their savings to this pointless thing called superannuation – which is apparently there to make sure they don’t die in poverty when their bodies break down and they can no longer work.
The new scheme now gives working class voters the exciting opportunity to decide between experiencing homelessness now, or in retirement, when they have no savings, because they have drained it all into a home deposit for a shitty property they will have to sell the moment they stop working – in a market that could have easily imploded by then.
That’s if they haven’t already drained their super in the last two years of lockdowns, after Scott Morrison prematurely switched off the JobKeeper program because he couldn’t stop billionaires like Gerry Harvey from exploiting it.
