LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A lonely share house succulent has continued to exist in a state of permanent prolonged death as it has now been passed through to it’s 15th negligent owner.
The succulent which is now believed to be called Soil Goodman after being named JK Growling, Leafona Lewis, Chris Stemsworth and Dennis, has been passed to share house dweller Samantha Kellit (23) who accepted the succulent as a ‘going away’ present from a former housemate who couldn’t be fucked transporting an item that had to be kept upright.
Placing the succulent on her windowsill, Kellit reflected on the lifespan of Soil Goodman, a plant of which she was now become the 15th person to sporadically deprive of water and sunlight.
It is believed Soil Goodman was once a small branch cut from a tree my a housemate who couldn’t stand the thought of coming home drunk and alone again.
After being placed in a mason jar full of water and goon residue, Goodman began to grow squiggly roots and was transferred to a disused lentil tin, the first of many homes which would include an ambien bottle, vintage suitcase, picture frame and once a single Doc Martin as a hilarious prank.
During his time converting cannabis infested carbon dioxide into oxygen, Goodman has held several jobs including door stop, ashtray and an erroneous cricket ball during the last Australia Day the inner city household allowed themselves to enjoy.
As Goodman’s owners began to yearn for a puddle free fridge of their own and failed to see the appeal of Triple J, they would move out of the sharehouse but leave Goodman in the only home he knew amongst the rats, prayer flags and ironic stolen shit that made his sharehouse a
Now under the lazy eye of his 15th owner, Goodman states he is looking forward to being trapped in the dark room whenever Kellit goes to a festival and only being watered when he appears to be truly beyond help.
