CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today done his very best to avoid answering any questions about whether his office leaked text messages between himself and French President Emmanuel Macron .
The leaked text message, obtained by the Australian Financial Review, showed that the French knew the submarine contract was at risk, but didn’t really show anything but a confused break down in communication.
The biased Australian media have since reframed this leaked text message as the ultimate slam dunk on the French President, and a crowning moment of glory for our supremely competent Prime Minister.
Speaking to the media in Dubai on his way home from his disastrous appearance at the COP26 summit, Scotty was asked directly if the leak came from his office.
“It’s important now that we all just move on, frankly” he said, before attempting to pivot into a conversation about test cricket.
The journalists surprisingly didn’t take the bait to start talking about the Australian cricket side, and kept quizzing Scotty about whether or not world leaders should trust him.
“Yeah” he said.
“Because, to be honest, most leaders are nice to me – so I don’t have to do them dirty. But Macron wanted to talk shit, so yeah, he got hit”
“And for anyone saying that I lack the basic diplomatic skills required to be the Prime Minister, they don’t realise that most of my text messages with world leaders are just good honest banter”
Morrison then pulled out his phone and began scrolling through his texts.
“They love me haha” he said.
“Check this out”
The Australian Prime Minister then airdropped a screenshot photo of his conversations with the Chinese President Xi Jinping to all of the journalists present at the airport media scrum.
“We just talk for hours”
However, Morrison’s newest leak of text messages did very little to quell the fears that he is one of the most incompetent statesmen that our nation has ever sent overseas – after it became clear he had been texting Xi Jinping about Squid Game.
When asked if he was aware that Squid Game was a Korean TV series, and not Chinese, Morrison laughed at the journalists.
“Hahahahah. As if”
“Kim Jong-un has banned TV. You idiots.
