MARIO STRADLATER | Local | Contact
After abruptly calling off his engagement to Lesley Ann Smith with the wedding only months away, villainous right-wing media mogul turned interesting Succession muse, Rupert Murdoch has emerged from his Medeterranean-Revival-style cocoon of solitude as one of nature’s most majestically, maligned creatures: the Fuckboy.
Mr. Murdoch’s long-time housekeeper, Octavio Sparrow (38), informed the Advocate that it comes after his boss has made some odd requests over the past few weeks.
“Mr Murdoch was acting very strange,” said the Help.
“First, he insisted on all the staff calling him ‘Roo’ – that’s the name he wants go by now”
“Then he asked me to disassemble his bed base one afternoon as incessant about finding wooden pallets.”
“‘Where do we find some fucking pallets’, he said. ‘Fucking where!’. He simply would not stop.”
Many are unsurprised by the revelation, including several of Murdoch’s ex partners who have come forward saying that the move makes sense in light of recent events.
In an anonymous tip, one said: “He re-followed me on Instagram a few weeks back, which was odd given we haven’t talked for two decades.”
“I thought maybe he was just looking to mend some bridges, you know, when you get to his age I imagine that’s what you start thinking about, but it all made sense when I saw the engagement was off.”
“I think he’s after a bit more than structurally sound bridges if you catch my drift.”
At time of press, Roo Murdoch was seen puffing his Pinapple Mint vape in the middle of the courtyard at the popular Merivale restaurant ‘Tottis’ in Bondi.
Witnesses say the 92-year-old was seen bouncing furiously between his Instagram DMs and Hinge, while dining with several Sydney Swans players and Double Bay nightclub promoters.
It is believed the media mogul has a stick-and-poke appointment booked for his upper thigh later this afternoon, and is currently tossing up his favourite Townes Van Zandt lyrics as his first tattoo.
MORE TO COME.
