CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Following the second egging of an elected Australian politician in three months, MPs and Senators across the country are being today briefed on safety protocol in the wake of what appears to light-hearted political uprising.
High-ranking Liberal and Labor politicians have reportedly beefed up their security – while lesser known or important politicians are just being told to be wary because, you know, the AFP isn’t made of security guards.
One of the low-priority politicians is Greens Party leader, Senator Richard Di Natale, who says he is very well aware how little time intelligence and police agencies are willing to dedicate to the safety and well-being of progressive politicians.
Speaking to our reporters today, Di Natale says he’s not really concerned anyway.
“Maybe it’s because we don’t say heaps of racist shit and stoke the fire after tragedies” he said.
“But the only eggs I’ve had to worry about recently were chocolate eggs, on the April Holiday Festival Weekend”
“Haha, nah just kidding. I don’t fuck around with lactose.”
“But yeah, the only Greens members that are worried about their day-to-day safety are our female senators who receive death threats from retired police officers. And as you all probably know, Bob Brown has provided them with USSR-era AK47s and for their own self defence”
However, Di Natale says when it comes to his own wellbeing, he isn’t that concerned, as the only member of Parliament who actually played vaguely competitive sport before politics.
“Have you seen those pindicks in the alt-right? I’d jersey-punch the fuck out them?”
“But yes, If you must, please only egg me with free-range, like these ones I’ve brought with me”
Di Natale then showed an example of a free-range carton to the reporters.
“Actually, fuck” he said.
“These are from Coles. Don’t buy these ones. Free-range or not. Do not support the duopoly. Fuck Coles”
“So, in summary, please only egg me with free-range eggs from the farmers markets or your local convenience store”
