Just when you thought things couldn’t get any weirder, another batch of documents containing five governments worth of secret dirt files have been found in the boot of an abandoned 1974 Holden Kingswood, just outside of the Canberra city limits.

This comes just hours after ASIO agents have entered ABC offices in Canberra and Brisbane this morning to secure thousands of top-secret and classified Cabinet files left inside two filing cabinets sold at a second-hand shop.

The filing cabinets sat unopened for some months in the home of the buyer who eventually decided to drill them open. The ABC said the cabinets had been sold at a second-hand shop which stocked ex-government furniture and were cheap because they were locked and came without keys.

 However, life isn’t going to get any easier for those involved in the Rudd, Gillard, Rudd, Abbott ministries, especially after this new batch of documents found on the roadside between Queanbeyan and Braidwood.

Dubbed ‘The Kingswood Files’ – the documents detail heaps of kind of dodgy stuff but nothing really incriminating. However, one thing they do confirm is that most politicians are fuckwits.

The Australian Security Intelligence Organisation has given comments regarding the newest batch of weirdly sensitive government files to make their way out of Parliament House and into the hands of civillians.

“What’s the fucking point” said the ASIO spokesperson.

“Like, we try our very best to protect this information, but we aren’t dealing with geniuses here. We are dealing with half pissed public servants”

“Sometimes we wonder why we even fucking bother”


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