ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Bad news for Apple fans, a recent study by the CSIRO has concluded that there’s no redeemable benefit of owning an Apple Watch.

The results of the year-long research project were published this morning to mild outrage among local gadget enthusiasts and tech-savvy early adopters.

Detailing the ‘cool factor’ as well as the practicality of the device, the CSIRO wasn’t able to find a single thing remotely attractive or useful about using the popular smartwatch.

“If you’ve ever seen someone use an Apple Watch on the street, you won’t need to read this paper’s findings,” said the CSIRO’s Peter Flanagan.

“This research is more for people who are still sitting on the fence. Thinking whether or not they’re going to buy one. In our opinion, owning an Apple Watch is not cool and for those thinking of buying one, you can buy something cool like an illegal firearm or bootleg fireworks for around the same price,”

“But, look. That’s just the opinion of Australia’s peak scientific body. If we think something isn’t cool or practical, then it probably isn’t. We also think binge drinking and contact sports are a bit questionable, so there’s that. We just want people to be scientifically informed.”

One early adopter and Apple Watch devotee have lashed out at the government science bureau, saying they’re simply publishing their own opinion as fact.

However, we here at The Advocate trust and value the opinion of the CSIRO over that of the average Apple fanboy – making their opinion on this matter invalid and unfit to print.

More to come.


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